My Angel Journey!

In November of 2004, we got the exciting news that I was pregnant! Our Daughter Kelly, who was 1 1/2 at the time was going to be a big sister! Everything was going along fine but deep down the pregnancy felt different and just not right to me. In March of 2005, our world came crashing down. We were going in to find out the sex of our unborn baby. We were told the exciting news that we were going to have a boy. We had had a feeling that the baby was a boy and we were estatic! We were told our precious Brandon Michael had Trisomy 13 which is a chromosomal defect. His brain wasn't developing, he was missing limbs etc. I was 18 weeks gestation. They told me I should have miscarried at 8 weeks and Trisomy is one of the number one causes for miscarriages. Watching the ultrasound our precious son was so active how could this be? They even asked me if he was always this active, this is so unusual? I told them yes he is always this active! Well they sent us home expecting him to die at any moment. I refused to hear the news. My husband drove us sobbing his heart out. I couldn't really cry I was more in shock! So from then on we prayed, fought, and believed for a miracle for our son. I quit my teaching job and college courses just to take care of my unborn baby! As time went on my belly grew and grew and he was more active then ever. His heartbeat at checkups were strong so we were encouraged beyond belief. On August 3, 2005, my Ob/Gyn told us to have a c-section that day rather then the scheduled August 16. We didn't know what to think. She couldn't hear his heartbeat at this point (38 weeks) she said his heart and lungs were surrounded by fluid. That evening Brandon Michael was born weighing 8lbs. They couldn't believe how big he was. We didn't get to hear him cry, his heart was slowing down quickly. 15 minutes after birth he passed away. Everyone in that room thanked me for carrying such a beautiful baby and not terminating him which I was encouraged to do at the first devasting appointment. He had all of his limbs and was pretty much perfect except for his cleft lip which was a trisomy defect. He was used for gentle tissue research for a cure at the University of Michigan hospital. They told us internally everything was perfect and they never seen a Trisomy case such as our son's. They even said he was a miracle no matter what. They wrote his case in the student medical books. We buried him a year after he was born since the research took that long then he was cremated. After he was born I didn't want to live. I couldnt take the pain and was so confused. He grew and grew but God had different plans for our son. Leaving the hospital with empty arms was hell on earth. My milk came in full fledge and I would hear a baby's cry in the night to hold and nurse but there would be no baby. Its been a struggle and has been 5 years now this August!